kī anthony

what a fucking month.

yeah. it sure has been a month! it sure has been a week, actually — which is one of two reasons this is a little late, and very scattered.

some of you might have seen a relatively cryptic instagram story i posted about leaving my last job, and about the queer employees who work at tumblr. this is the best article about that i’ve seen so far. i’m glad it exists, because honestly i’ve fielded enough “what’s up with your old ceo” for a lifetime in one week. this blog is still hosted by wordpress.com/automattic, and with the things i’ve heard and seen this month, i might start seriously thinking about moving it somewhere else. probably not for a wee while, just because i’ve got so much happening.

of course, it’s also been pride month here in new zealand! so i’ve been connecting with my local queer and trans friends in person more than usual. it’s been great! but i’m a homebody — between COVID, being 45 minutes by bus from town, and working remotely, i don’t spend a lot of time leaving the house! so i’m very tired, and glad that the month is coming to a close.

what’s on my plate

shorter this month because what’s on my plate has mostly been having a bad PTSD month and focusing on getting some sleep, managing the psychogenic spasms i get when things are this bad, and eating and getting all my commitments done.

the new job continues to be absolutely hectic, in a way i’m still really enjoying. there’s… maybe too little structure, but it’s an environment where i’m finding my skills are very appreciated, as is my adaptability and ability to make quick judgement calls! i’m having a good time, doing incredibly high-impact work, and cautiously optimistic that it’ll last.

drawing: it was hourly comic day on feb 1! i set a calendar reminder because i forget about it every year, and this year i finally remembered to participate.

writing: i read as part of bad apple‘s the showcase recently, for the valentine’s night show the lovers! i read what David Seymour needs is a stone top, floodgates, we saw carly rae jepsen in concert when concerts still existed and dedicated side b didn’t exist yet, and lesbian yaoi. it was a really wonderful crowd!

my wife and i also attended the saturday show, as well as legacy 7 and the rawdog gaysian playwright challenge earlier in the month. not quite writing, not for us, but it’s rare that we make it out to local art events, and it was deeply nourishing to get to chat about writing with other poets, artists, playwrights and actors after each show.

reading: my review of kitten for bad apple which i alluded to last month is up now! it’s a great read, especially if you’re trans, traumatised, just a messy bitch, or care about anyone who’s any of those things.

i’ve got another in the works for next month, though things have only just started quieting down enough for me to get some reading done. i’m looking forward to it!

watching: i finished Fantasy High season two! i… have a lot of thoughts, but i’m not quite ready to pick up season 3 just yet. we’ll see.

i’ve also been playing some D&D, and the season two fireside chats are extras that are well worth the watch if you, like me, are very interested in how professional players and DMs approach it as storytellers. it’s all writing, and it’s a form of writing i’m not very good at! but as with poetry, i think sometimes imposing limits on your storytelling — in this case, via the system of 5e — allows you to express something more compelling.

though of course i’m mostly just learning combat tricks and chilling out with a much less personal-arc-driven party :)

gaming: this really does not count, but i’ve now seen and photographed every Neko Atsume cat, just in time for Neko Atsume 2, apparently! i’m very excited :)

crafting: this is the other reason this is late! today, i finished binding off my haruni, which is blocking now. it basically counts as finishing it in february, right?

it’s still wondrous to me that it’s possible to just make fabric. and not just fabric, but lace, from a ball of yarn. i’ve really enjoyed this first laceweight project and i’m sure there’ll be more in my future.

i also finally busted out my sewing machine! the warmup was hemming the beautiful PAPA solidarity banner our branch made, that we brought to Pride:

then, searching for a quick finished-project win, and anticipating needing a larger container for my next knitting project (probably a cable vest for myself, small enough that a tote would be too big — haruni is a gift for someone else), i spent about an hour making this large lined zip bag:

the dress zip has been in my cookie tin of miscellaneous notions for probably about three years, and both fabrics were among a delightful pile of offcuts that The Fabric Store gave me (i left an order note requesting any scraps they felt like giving me, and received a truly wonderful amount of stuff to play with!). it was nice to get back into it by freehanding something (as you can clearly see, no iron was involved) that turned out so beautifully thanks to the gorgeous fabric. i’m really happy with it!

i rearranged my standing desk last month in prep for the new job, and the corner i cleared on the left for any painting/crafting needs has turned out to be perfect for sewing while standing. it turns out that not needing to bend over my work and having a little more control over the weight i put on the pedal has been amazing, actually! i have coordination and eyesight limitations, and it’s helped a lot.

joyful things: my wonderful penpal with the Prisoner Correspondence Network, with whom i’ve exchanged thousands and thousands of words. every letter moves me to no end. my comrades at PAPA and how hard we work even during a time that has drained us all and against a government that seeks to take more from us and everyone else. the energizing conversations i’ve had with friends this month, at pride arts events and otherwise. the people who have reached out to me during what’s been a really hard month and provided comfort and support.

what a month for kindness, given and received, amid the world’s absolute cruelty.

poem of the month

another quick one, dashed out in five minutes inspired by something i saw on twitter in passing. this is a fandom poem — it’s technically based on a dynamic from Heaven Official’s Blessing! i think that, as always, poetry isn’t just for those who have rich lives to draw from, even the kind which reads as very autobiographical (as this does). anything that moves you is already poetry, ready to be written.

your library card peeling in my back 
pocket was the closest i got. you, 
voracious as always. immortal, in the
way good books are, taking on new
hues with each passing century: 
look at me, darling. how do i
look now? eyes so joy-creased they
dog-eared me in turn, your gentle 
hands against my gilded spine. you 
leashed me then, though you didn't 
know it. held my bitter-bruised jaw 
and told me everything but to stay. 
heartsick. would that i could come 
every time you called. would that
you touched spit-sticky fingers to
my fractured pages. would that i
looked at you, that first day, sunlight 
streaming through the stacks, and 
let you crack me open.

song of the month, down here instead of in the above section, is absolute lithops effect.

here’s Carrie Elkin’s cover of what is of course a the Mountain Goats song. it’s… well. it’s tender. it’s optimistic, in the face of an immense wound. it’s about healing. i want that for me, and for all of you.

i’ll see you next month (well, this month, given how late this is)! let’s see what the future holds.